Pamela was born in 1937. She attended the School at Berkhamsted, and left at the age of fifteen to live with her birth mother. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out and, after obtaining a business degree while working for Guinness, she emigrated to America to work as a secretary, where she married her husband Tom and later took a degree in medical assisting and physical therapy. She still lives in America with her husband, but regularly visits the UK.
Early Life
‘The ID tag was the tag that the f- that the baby was given when the mother gave him up and the ID tag- you were baptised into the Foundling Hospital and given a number, and mine is 24388. And given your foundling name, because whatever name your mother gave you was not used because our identity and her identity was completely hidden and so the story goes that we were named alphabetically, or they would look in the obituaries column of the newspaper and take a christian name and a surname and put them together… and I–in fact now, it’s one of the most frequently asked questions: “How did I get my name? Was I named after somebody special or was it just a name?” So… and we- we had the ID tag, and you’re supposed to wear it all the time, you were only allowed to take it off when you bathed… and we wore them for a long time, till everybody knew who was who.’
Into the World
‘Well I went back and my mother told me – I wanted to go to University, I wanted to continue at school but she said “No, you’ve had all of the education you need, you have to get a job and support yourself,” so I did. I got a job at a building and contracting company. I had already learned shorthand and typing at school, and so, – the one thing I’d say about the Coram was they actually did teach us skills, workable skills that we could earn a living at and I had learned short hand and typing, and I was pretty good at it, so I got a job as a junior secretary at this company and I worked there for about 3 months, went to school every night at Ealing technical college, towards my business degree and then about 3 months later I got a job at the Guinness brewery, in Park Royal, which was a God send. They were a great company, and you know- by the time I was 18, they were sending all their young secretaries to school during the day, paying for their education and I was a “Guinness girl,” because the story was, they took the cream of the crop, they interviewed… and if you got in you were really lucky to get in at Guinness, so when I got my business degree, by that time I was 21 and I emigrated to America.’
Reflections
‘Would I got back and do it all again? No. And would I- I wouldn’t choose it for any child. Never. I wouldn’t. And I have often thought if I… if I had to give away a child because I couldn’t- could I really do it? Is it really love to give away a child? Am I thinking more of me or am I thinking more of my child? What’s best for my child? Would I be willing, if I knew, in my heart of hearts… that I could not care for a child and give the child everything that he needed, could I, in love, give the child to someone who would? Yeah I would. I would.’
School Life
‘In the Winter time, we would play this game called, “Change,” and what it was was musical beds, and it went like this- the girl in numb– bed number one, the beds were numbered – we would wait till lights out and it was all quiet and then she’d say “Chaaaange” which meant you had to get out of bed as quietly as you could and change beds with someone, you couldn’t go to the bed on either side of you, you had to at least go over the table in the middle of the room, in pitch black and find another bed, and if there was another girl already in the bed then you wrestled each other for occupancy…and you had to do this as quietly as possible because Miss O’Dwyer would hear… so we would play a couple of rounds of this and of course the noise level got greater and greater and greater… and suddenly you could hear Miss O’Dwyer come thumping down the corridor, so- and she’d come in and turn all the lights on and she’d say “WHAT’S GOING ON IN THIS DORMITORY?” And we’d have at least, maybe, two girls in one bed trying to squash each other down so it didn’t look too obvious, so she would march around, and she was so predictable, she would march around the room looking at the beds, of course come upon this empty bed, say “WHERE IS THIS GIRL?” “She went to the loo,” which wasn’t allowed, so she’d march off down the corridor to get this poor girl who was supposed to be in the loo, soon as she was out of the room, we’d jump up turn off all the lights, get back into your own bed, and she would- we’d play this game over and over again- and she’d, every time. So finally she’d come in and she’d say, “If I have to come back to this dormitory once more tonight, you’ll all be on detention on Saturday afternoon,” we knew exactly what she was going to say, and we’d all chime in in unison, “You’ll all be on detention on Saturday afternoon,” and she- and we would just put our heads under the bed clothes and just giggle!’
Search for Birth Families
‘It was Easter and I was 12 years old, and… I was allowed to spend the Easter holiday with my mother and her husband, he wasn’t- my stepfather, and my sister. And they lived in a small flat in Southall, a one bedroom flat. So I went home for Good Friday, Easter Saturday, Easter Sunday, Easter Monday. It was the first time I had ever spent any length of time with her… and I- I hated it. I, it was, first of all it was so small, after living in this BIG school and we just, my sister and I just didn’t get along, and the 3 of us sleeping- my mother, my sister and I sleeping in the same bed, and I just, I couldn’t wait to get back to school with everybody and everything that I knew, and I remember… and the thing that really got to me I was- remember, I was, my sister and I were playing outside, and there were some other kids around and they taunted me by saying you know “We haven’t seen you before, where have you been?” “You’re not her sister! You’re adopted, why are you adopted?” And it just, it- it hurt. They were so cruel, they couldn’t understand. So I couldn’t wait to get back to school. When I got back to school the headmaster, Mr Gilbertson, called me down into his office and he wanted to know how did things go. Hmmm, and I said well- and he said “Well you have to make a decision, you have to decide who you want to live with when you’re 15, when you leave school. Do you want to live with your real mother? Or do you want to go to your foster parents?” and it really wasn’t an option, because my foster parents were quite elderly, they were well into their 60s when they got me and I was the last of the 12. And I learned that they died pretty soon after that. “So do you want to live with your real mother? You can’t live with your own- with your foster parents because they’re too elderly, and taking on a 15 year old girl is really not a good idea, so we’ll have to find foster, another foster family for you, or you could even join the military if you wanted to.” They were- they were taking young people, so decide what you want to do and let us know as soon as possible, and you have to decide by the time you’re 15.‘
